Monday, November 29, 2010

Struggles with Smoking

One thing with being single I find is that it's not all that easy because you can do whatever you want and if you choose so, there is no accountability.  This is the path I'm on, and I find there are too many dark corners in my life where I don't live life as I should.  One area is Smoking and spending too much money eating out and on smoking.

As of yesterday I have no more Ciggarretts and no more money till tomorrow to buy new ciggarretts.  So that left me yesterday evening and today without being able to smoke.  With as much as I smoke, it's tough,  but I'm thinking that I should try to not buy anymore ciggarretts even once I have money again.  I don't know if it is possible.  It's going to be hard for sure.  But smoking costs me $110.00 a month and that's just too expensive.

I'm just thinking if I could do without smoking how wonderful that would be.  So that's what I'm going to try.  If I succeed I don't know.  I want to give it my best but not promise something I can't end up keeping.

I think quiting cold turkey in my case is the only way to go.  Because either I smoke or I don't there is no in between.

4 comments:

  1. i agree, there is no inbetween. melanie might have some tricks for you; she used to smoke quite a bit. good luck and god speed on your quest to quit...

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  2. oh marc, i totally understand where you are right now. i was a heavy smoker for yrs and i tried over and over and over to quit. nothing worked. i was hooked. bad. did you know i smoked throught BOTH years of bible school? and graduated...smoking...i tired everything...did you know that i was still smoking when i first met chris? i was. it was actually shortly after i met chris that i quit. i did not try to quit when i did! maybe that's why i did quit! this is what happened...

    i was driving home, late at night on a long drive, 2 hrs were left and i ran out of smokes...so i told myself that i would stop at the next town get a coffee and smokes...then i got there and i said, i will get a pack at the next stop... i did that until i was almost home...i wanted one SO bad..so i was going to stop at the store on my way home...when i got to the store, it was CLOSED! so i had to wait until morning...then morning came i i thought. ok i have gone 12 hrs now...lets see if i can make it till lunch...so iwent to work...waited until lunch and said "lets wait until after work" then after work i thought "lets do 24 hrs" which excited me bec it had been at least 5 yrs that i have gone that long with out a smoke or a drag...then 24 hrs came and i said lets do 48...then 48 hrs came and i said lets do 3 days...which lead to a WEEK!!! a WEEK! i made it! and celebrated with a drag of a pal's ciggy...which made me feel kinda icky...and that my dear was it!

    this new years eve i will celebrate 9 (i think) yrs that i have not had 1 single. tiny. smoke. notta 1

    i think it worked for me bec i did baby steps and i did NOT set out to quit. i just tested to see how far i could go...knowing that i can and still can go but a pack and smoke...but i don't want to!

    i also changed a few things life style wise...i walked at night instead of sitting around, drinking coffee and smoking, i stopped going out with smoking friends and i took all my ciggy money and saved it for a trip!

    the craving do NOT go away. i still get them. when they are bad, i call chris, we talk, the very worst was when i was in cuba with you guys. remember, you were all smoking, esp at night, around the tables with coffee. it was REALLY hard. when it got to the point that i wanted to smoke, i talked to your dad, then chris and simply stopped sitting with you guys for more than 20 mins...then i would go for a walk (and not eat!!!)

    hope that helps!

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  3. Marckus, you told me on the phone. I am proud of you! Keep going like mel did. will you tell me on saturdey how manny hours , days you allready made it? YOU are in controll of this littel corner in your life again. all the best. see you for Santa evening. muetti

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  4. Hi Marcus
    I don't have much time to write, but I wanted to let you know that I read your blog, and you are often on my mind. Have courage Marcus! The first step is knowing you need to change. Vati always said that for God it is enough to know that we want to want to change (sometimes we don't really want to change, but we wish that we could want). That's a start already. Keep going with it Marcus, and know that even if you don't make it, you try again later. You are loved by God and precious in his sight (even when you're outside your apartment having a smoke). Don't give up.
    I love you
    rudy

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